walks and stuff.

I was asked, recently, if I had a superpower, what would it be and why?

I said invisibility because then I could fuck with people, but also, like, save the world occasionally. And you may not think invisibility is a big deal, but think about it. I could avoid all those fight scenes because people wouldn’t see me to fight with. Really, it’s one of the best superpowers to have, IMO. Savin’ the day, one invisible step at a time.

That has nothing to do with the title; I’m just struggling to write in here every day and come up with things to write about without sounding monotonous. I could, of course, NOT write in here every day but then I’d feel the shame monster of not following through on anything more so than I already do. So writing in here every flabbergasted day it is.

I realize I’m not making much sense. I’m pretty tired. (SHOCKER.)

I managed to fall asleep, I think, around 4am so we’re getting closer to a normal sleep schedule (hooray!). Most of my night was spent feeling like I had a literal huge weight on my chest, and I couldn’t really tell if I was anxious (usually that manifests as short little gulps of air in desperate need of a breath that never comes) or if it was something else. Nevertheless, it was very uncomfortable, and though I was exhausted it took me a while to calm the fuck down.

Went for a walk a bit ago; the weather here is rainy and slightly windy, which I don’t mind at all if it doesn’t make my head angry. Felt good to get out and move around a bit, though it also felt like my legs were leaden. (I bet if I was invisible I could move faster.)

Paul was telling me about a house that was for sale for $350K, but, he said, we’d never be able to afford it.

Might be true, but might NOT be true.  Not that we’re looking for a house right now but his job involves housing, so we talk about house prices often. Something about the way he said that we’d never be able to afford it really got to me though. I told him to DREAM BIG and he said he was just being realistic at which point I said to DREAM BIG again as if the words didn’t sink in the first time.

I know it was just yesterday that I was like, “I really gotta focus on what I have waaaaa…” but sometimes I just wanna throw reality out the fucking window. I said that we didn’t know the future, so it was possible that things would change beyond what one might consider a reasonable expectation.

He said, as we were walking, that he could reasonably predict that we’d get to the next street. I said that he didn’t really know that. Maybe we’d get picked up by a big gust of wind and end up waaaaaay over there.

He said, “What you’re talking about isn’t a gust of wind, it’s a tornado, annnnd no.”

I’m just saying. Things happen when you least expect them to. Even random tornado-ish wind gusts.

So maybe, one day, we WILL be able to afford an expensive-as-shit house and we’ll CHOOSE not to purchase it just BECAUSE.

Or, like, maybe we’ll live in a box.

You don’t know the future, y’all. But do the best you can, anyway.

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