Day 3. Just as I have had trouble with limits, I often have trouble with needs. Why? Because I confuse wants and needs, and when I experience a need, I will dismiss it without thinking, calling it “selfish.”
Beattie asks, “What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?”
That, friends, is the million dollar question. I constantly question how I feel in any particular moment, because I’m not sure if it’s right for me to feel that way. If someone, for example, forgot something that was really important to me, it’s a fair guess that it would make me angry. However, I wouldn’t show that to the other person immediately; instead, I’d probably cry when I was alone and then feel pathetic for crying.
That, in itself, is exhausting. And the thing is, I need to remember that my feelings are MINE, and it’s ok to feel them completely before questioning them.
So, if I had to guess what it is I need:
-first and foremost, to remind myself that needs – and wants – are NOT selfish.
-wants are nice, but when wants become needs, it’s problematic. Hopefully I can learn how to separate the two.
-in the needs game, there is an inherent tendency to dismiss. I need to change that.
-be more assertive, and not so passive aggressive. and, in some instances, not so aggressively passive.
-sometimes, i might even need to be selfish. (my anxiety level is rising as i type.)