Angry? Who, Me?

“Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him.” – Louis L’Amour

On Day 14, Beattie writes about accepting anger. She says, “Anger is a part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can’t afford to ignore it.”

I think I have the opposite problem.  I’m trying to remember if, at an earlier age, I didn’t get angry. The truth is, I cannot. I know I had my moments of freaking out, but I don’t remember consciously suppressing anger. I don’t remember wanting to be lollipops and sunshine all the time.

I have been told by a number of people, both professional and non-degreed, that 1) I feel things more deeply than most, and 2) I have unreasonable expectations. I hate that phrase: “unreasonable.”

I think that may have something to do with my anger. Somewhere along the way I just became disappointed. Somewhere along the way it created anger. And somewhere along my path, it might destroy me.

So, do I truly accept anger? No – it’s just my gut reaction. If I become comfortable with accepting anger, instead of just wishing I could calm the fuck down, perhaps that would be the key to letting go of the anger itself.

Feel it. And let it go.

Maybe I’ll get to a point where I can “feel” such an emotion in a millisecond, so that it doesn’t overtake my entire being.

It’s tiring. and I’m tired of it. So much ENERGY is wasted.

 

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