Day 25 is concerned with the first step of AA, the concept of: “We admitted we were powerless…” etc, etc.
For codependents, it’s much the same – maybe alcohol is the problem, maybe it’s another’s addiction that is the problem. But the knowledge that you’re not the only one… it’s supposed to help.
That’s cool and all, but I’d like to hope that we all get stronger immediately; otherwise, this world is so fucked.
Along the same vein, I stepped out of the mentality today and had a bit of a realization. Neither action made me particularly happy, but self-awareness is always good. One of my co-workers called off. My normal reaction to this is that it’s no big deal; in that situation, I work 12 hours or however long it is.
Today, I couldn’t do that because I had to be somewhere at 3. I had to leave the end of that shift to someone else. And it didn’t bother me that I was shorthanded, it bothered me that I couldn’t control the situation. That I didn’t have a handle on what was going to happen. Even more scary – I JUST HAD TO LET WHATEVER HAPPENED HAPPEN.
How lame of me.
It was a good learning experience – a baby step, if you will – but I don’t want to experience mini heart attacks like that on a daily basis. Everything in moderation, or so I’ve heard/read/seen/written.
In other news, I made brown sugar dijon mustard salmon, and it was fantastic. Then I made a massaged kale salad that was not so fantastic so I have to figure out how to fix it. Because that’s what I do – I fix things.