Or, as I could call it, the suck. On Day 26, Beattie suggests to look for warning signs – people who pull you into their lives, who try to make their problems your own, whether they realize it or not. It’s more of an implication than a request, but I will usually happily oblige such implications. It makes me feel good to help others.
(And the underlying statement: While I am helping others, I am pushing my issues away. Much much easier to deal with yourself when you don’t even consider yourself until it’s much too late, eh?)
I tend to know people like that. But here’s the other thing that I’ve never even thought about: Is my help helping? Probably not. Ultimately, it just gets messy. You get stuck in a role that wasn’t directly asked of you. On occasion, it’s a tough role to exit. Is the blame shared? Most likely. But chances are I’ll feel it more than the other person because it was a *choice* to weigh in when I didn’t really need to.
I still tend to believe that most human beings aren’t trying to follow their own agendas, and Beattie warns not to be so naive. So, I guess I remain naive. The hardest part about any of it, in my experience, is when the other person decides they don’t need you. Sometimes, it’s a relief. Sometimes, it drives me up the fucking wall.
(P.S. I just had one of those moments where, if someone who really didn’t know me was reading this, they might think: “WTF? Does she only interact with manipulative people?” The answer is twofold: 1) No. I don’t. Some people are manipulative, but rarely do I believe it’s manipulation in the worst sense of the world. 2) Somewhere in journey of life, you learn patterns. One of mine just so happens to be pushing my needs back because I don’t want to deal with them. I am, as ever, working on it.)
I’m off to watch “Fat Chef” now, because it’s necessary and important.