Control Freak.

So, every now and then, I have a bit of a “control freak” episode. I wish I didn’t have them; they stress me OUT.

But it happens, and Beattie says it’s ok. The important thing to remember is that controlling a situation or another person, or clinging to a situation to try and grasp control over it… well, all of that won’t really help you, change you, or save you. Why? ‘Cause you’re still the same you, no matter what situation you’re in.

Part of me reads this and thinks “NO!” Not much more than that. Just “no.” Opposition to the fact that sometimes, in order to get what you want, you have to surrender to the fact that you might not get what you want. How sucky.

Healing is a proactive thing, and it’s something no one can do for me EXCEPT for me. Despite my best efforts, I revisited something in my past today. I was looking for someone else to build me up, again. Of course, I didn’t find it and came away rejected and sad. But I quickly reminded myself that it was a past event I didn’t have control of, and so it was best that it stayed there.

Realistically, who cares? Realistically, I do.

In time, I have no doubts that all the turmoil that I sometimes feel will get bored and go away. It might just be a really. long. time.

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