Day 51. Today, Beattie writes about setting your own course. Don’t be defined by others’ expectations of you. Think about what those expectations would do for and to you. Don’t feel guilty for saying no. Find your own path and let others have theirs.
Wise advice, if I ever read it. But what if the person you’re fighting against is yourself? Lately, that’s the predicament I find myself in because I’m slowly surrendering my fight with others. I’m adjusting to the newness of it all. Some might say that the only reason I’m such a firecracker is that I don’t like the reflection of myself in others.
But maybe I judge myself too harshly. It is a struggle to see where I’m at, while also still being able to see the person I want to be. It is a struggle to transform the negatives into positives. I think it all comes down to this sense of not knowing where I fit, in an age where many people are fitting somewhere and/or with someone. Some of us have gotten to comfortable places in our lives, our jobs, and our relationships. Some of us are still meandering through.
So here I am, being a meanderer, criticizing myself for things I’m not quite sure of. For example:
-I am in my late 20s. Not only does it scare me (only slightly) to type the phrase “late 20s,” but at this age, I have no idea what my blood type is. On my emergency shoe tag (required by my running group), I should just write “NFC” for “No Fucking Clue” in the blank space that is currently there. Like, if for whatever reason I decided to go all ninja on someone and ended up on the “nearly dead” side of that deal, I could be in serious trouble.
-We live in an age where there aren’t many apprentices anymore. People aren’t really shown how to do things. I’m not saying that everyone’s hand needs to be held, but I feel as if it would be helpful from time to time. Can you imagine if, sometime in the future, I had an offspring? And they were learning to tie their shoes? And I’d be like, “Just watch the video on YouTube until you get it?”
-I had a zester for about 5 years before I figured out what it was. I only found out because I took a picture and sent it to someone when I was cleaning out a drawer.
-I believe wholeheartedly in loud music and random dance parties. And what if I come home one day and I’m living with someone, and I break out my dance moves and then remember I’m living with someone?
-I’ve blogged for 51 straight days. HAVE I LEARNED ANYTHING?
So, as you see, fighting other people can be strenuous. But absolutely nothing compares to the battles you have with yourself.