Accepting Me

Day 63. Beattie writes about how, when many people have identified themselves by catering to others, it’s sort of impossible to figure out who you are.

And once you have a glimpse of that person, you may have trouble accepting who you discover.

If there was any description of how I’m feeling right now, that would be it. I think I’m coming to terms with letting go of my past, but I have a hard time accepting it. I have only myself to face, to answer to, to spend time with.

And I’ve never been more confused in my life. I keep thinking of things as “good” and “bad,” immersing myself in judgments one way or the other. I have a hard time thinking that things will just happen the way I want them to if I just step back. I keep thinking there is so much I have to do. I keep thinking there are steps to follow. That A will lead to Z if I just…

It’s been difficult, but I’ll figure it out. I have a whole year to do nothing else but figure it out.

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