Hazy Days.

I am a person who gets (almost easily) bored with routine once I conquer something. I have a need to control what happens, and I’m humbly learning how to ease up on that a bit. But still, the fact that I’m not quite sure where I need to go from this point is a bit unsettling. Because sometimes, I think that I’ll constantly be doing the same thing over and over again. That makes me sad. I also don’t want things to get too crazy, though, because I’d get nervous and stressed.

If someone said to me, “Everything that you are doing now will lead to something great,” that would make me feel a bit better but only momentarily. The point is that it doesn’t matter. Sometimes you gotta go with the flow, no matter how it might kill you.

Even so, there are times when you need a break, take some time to relax so you can start to see things more clearly. I’ve never been able to see the big picture; mostly I know what I know for the moment. The best I can hope for at this time is to keep my goals in mind, and – no matter how overwhelming or hard they seem – keep chipping away. I think the problem is that, right now, I don’t have anything I can be particularly proud of. Don’t get me wrong, I’m making a lot of great changes so I can’t be too hard on myself. But I have to admit I’m being a little half-assed.

This week my plan is to relax and have fun, and to come back more focused. Hopefully, the fog will clear.

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One thought on “Hazy Days.

  1. what I’ve discovered at the ripe old age of 65 is that the ‘been there done that’ mentality that has ruled my entire life without me even realizing why I could drop a perfectly good job/behavior/art/husband, etc, (you get the picture) has morphed because I became aware of the brain spasm that occurs just before I switch gears and learn how to change the oil in my car(this is only an example, I would never change the oil in my car). It is now a stealth response. I kid you not; I haven’t changed one bit except nowafter the spasm occurs, I rationalize it by forgiving myself for dropping what I’m doing to go do something else. And that masks the truth….the truth being I haven’t learned anything in 65 years, I’m still hopping from one foot to the other, but now I’m nicer to myself when I realize that I’ve done it again. No rest for the eternally distracted.

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