Okay, so I know yesterday I was all, “It’s so hard to write about letting go when you’re on vacation,” but then I read TODAY’S topic about letting go of negativity and I was like, “THAT IS SO WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW!”
(Don’t fret; I’ve sadly accepted that I’m one of those people who takes comfort in what I don’t consider to be a self-help book, but what is pretty damn close to a self-help book.)
I mean, the book doesn’t help ALL the time; I try to follow its suggestions and such, and most importantly, I think the constant writing – a needed outlet – has helped tremendously. However, there are times when I fixate. And I get angry. And I wouldn’t mind being destructive.
My dad, especially, is a huge proponent of “letting things go”. “Amanda,” he says, “Why are you worried about this? LET IT GO.” “Amanda, seriously? Stop. LET IT GO.” And I don’t think he understands that I WOULD LOVE TO LET IT GO… it just doesn’t happen.
Beattie says that positivity is very transforming; along the same vein so is negativity. And I kind of think that I might be more of a negative person than a positive person. I’d like to tell myself that if I wasn’t dealing with people who were so emotionally draining that I’d be a happier person, but really it’s a personal choice. It goes back to what I wrote in an earlier blog post: people have power over you, if you let them. So I tell myself that these situations are temporary, that people who choose to be immature and spiteful are just ugly and unworthy of my time; that if they’ve chosen to go out of their way to be stupid then it must mean that I’ve done something right. And yet, I just keep thinking. And BOOM! I’ve just given them power. It’s really not enough to know, that in the end, I’m a-million-times-over a better person.
I guess this is to say that I’ve not yet learned how to transform negativity into positivity. Is the key to find something you love in each and every day, despite the things that bring you down? Or is the key, still, to just try and love yourself as much as you can? Or, in fact, is the key figuring out that you have to stop comparing yourself to someone else, because as long as you care about yourself, you’ll end up being a pretty damn happy person no matter what life throws at you?
You’re only defeated if you let yourself be. And while I never will be defeated (hey! look! positivity!), I believe it’s time to start rerouting this path that I’m currently on. So that, should I come across the love of self, I remember to hold onto it and let it help me get through rough times. I mean, really, love’s all you need, right?