Today was a day full of challenges for me.
Last night, I didn’t fall asleep until about 1a.m., treating my 5-mile run as if it was the marathon. I was so nervous to run, and so excited to see how it would turn out, and so scared that I wouldn’t be able to do it, that I couldn’t fall asleep.
I walked out the door this morning at 5:40a.m., and my body felt like lead. I didn’t want to do this – any of it. It was already slightly hot and sticky – and heat is not my friend. Add humidity to that, and we’re downright enemies.
I spoke to my new pacer, and she said, “Oh, you’re fast. My pacing time has slowed. I haven’t had time to run.” And I said, “No, I’m not. I’m like a 12:30-13:00 mile. I haven’t run in a month.” And she said, “Oh, good.” Strangely, this interaction calmed me down. I mean, do you necessarily want to hear, “I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU SUCK!”? No, but for a moment, we took a deep breath and accepted the fact that we’d be stuck with each other.
There was a group of about 15 of us altogether, and about half zoomed off at faster paces. That was cool. My iPod died fairly early on. That was not. It was like the universe was saying, “NOW YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DISTRACT YOU. MUHAHA. NOW RUN.” And I was. I definitely wasn’t happy about it, but I was doing it. I’d push myself every 5 minutes, taking a walking break for one (which, as I found out today, isn’t much of a break AT ALL). Around the 2.5 mile mark, I found an energy that I recognized as the “groove.” I was able to go faster, even though I was still quite mentally grumbly. However, because of the heat, I wasn’t going as fast as I felt I was. Overall, I had a 12:40 pace – which is pretty good considering my lack of training. However, I’d gladly work to shave off a few minutes if it meant I’d be out of this godforsaken heat sooner.
I took an awesome mid-morning nap, spent the day battling a shitty internet connection (so glad I’ll be moving soon!) and decided to be proactive about getting back to eating healthy food. I watch an unnecessary amount of Food Network, and while I can’t really do much in the kitchen, I decided to look there for some healthy recipes (mostly salad-types) that I’d be able to eat without giving up. From there, I made a list (an actual grocery list! dear God, I’m getting old) and went to Trader Joe’s.
I bought what I hope will get me through this week, got home… and warmed up a margherita pizza. I then made a second batch of dark chocolate salted caramel cupcakes, because I never really finished the first batch and I don’t know how long these things can keep. So, as you can see, I’m well on my way to sticking with my goals.
I can say that being somewhat productive today has given me a fresh outlook for the moment. I can’t control everything but I’m starting to feel motivated again!