Baby Steps.

“To change the world, start with one step.” – Dave Matthews Band

Beattie writes about how denying feelings can be hazardous to someone who’s codependent. You always want to stick up for the people or the situation that you perceive to be the underdog, even if she/he/it has really hurt you. You tell yourself that someday, somehow, the situation will change – if only you stick it out. Good things come to those who wait, right? You say, “That person will change; eventually, I’ll get what I want or need,” or “I’m just in a rut professionally; I’ll snap out of it,” or whatever the situation may be.

She goes on to say that whatever you’re feeling, just feel it. Stop repressing, stop ignoring, just feel.

So I’ve been trying to just kind of accept that sometimes I’m in a good mood for no reason at all. And sometimes I feel jealous. And sometimes I’m sad. And sometimes I’m unreasonably mad. And sometimes I don’t have a strong emotion one way or the other; while it  can be unsettling, it’s okay.

And I’ve been trying to do what I feel is right for me, without holding out for other people to point me in some direction – without waiting to see if it’s okay.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting for some sort of repercussion to take place, but I’ve seen a lot of good things lately: I’ve found that I’ve formed connections with people without even realizing it, and perhaps one of my all-time happiest moments occurred last week when I met up with a friend (whom I haven’t seen in well over a year) who told me: “You know, Amanda, you inspire me. You just do your own thing. You just do whatever you want.”

And here I was thinking that I was being anti-social, awkward, and stagnant.

Huh.

Have a good night, everyone.

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