Not gonna lie – almost forgot to write in this.
“In” as if this is some kind of diary, and I am 13-years-old.
While I act like I am 13, I recognize that this is NOT a diary. It’s closer to a LiveJournal, but it’s not a diary.
Right now, I’m just in full stress mode. Quiet? Sure. Calm? Almost. Fucking stressed to the point I want to sleep all day long? You betcha.
Trying to remind myself that all of this shall come to pass soon. The marathon I worked 20 weeks for (sometimes really hard, sometimes not so much) – whatever the outcome – will be over Sunday. I will find a new hire for the job opening at work and set about training that person to the best of my ability. I will pay my bills at the latest tomorrow and stop putting it off because it stresses me out (both to pay them, and not to pay them).
I will figure out where the money for the physical therapy is coming from (I have to meet my deductible). On the bright side, my leg looked totally normal after the session today. On the (dark?) side, it now hurts like a bitch. Related: yoga also hurt like a bitch but my muscles are loosened.
It’s just… right now, everything is getting on my nerves. You ever have those moments where you’ve reached your limit of everything in the entire world? And so you just find things to bitch about? And remember really painful things from your childhood to add to it? It’s like, today, I was in such a nerve-wracked state that I was really pissed about the fact that there was no toilet paper when I had to pee…And then remembered that I live by myself so there was no one to blame it on…
Which somehow reminded me of when I was a kid and after dinner I always had to vacuum the carpet in the dining room, but our kitchen was half carpet and half linoleum tile – so my sister swept the tile. And I thought today, “Why couldn’t we just have had it ALL TILE?? Conversely, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO SWEEP ONCE IN A WHILE…”
Holy shit. I need chocolate. A hug. And for this to be done.