Frustration: A Lament.

When I was around 8, I was in a play with my dad. He was part of Winnetka’s community theatre, and he played a cop in a production called “ER.” This was before the TV show, but I did like to tell people that the show was based off of our play. I had one line in this production. The woman who played my sister came in to the ER – and it turned out (SHOCKER!) that she was pregnant. When she delivered, I got to stand on a chair and scream, “PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!”  at her and that was my eight seconds of fame.

I think of this now because I wonder why  – in real life – they would have allowed an eight-year-old to witness a child shooting out of some woman’s vagina. Maybe the ER was dumb. I also think of this now because I’m becoming increasingly frustrated with my injury and maybe – yes, in real life – the medical answers I’m receiving are dumb, too.

My doctor’s visit Wednesday provided no real answers. Blood was taken, and blood taken from me is always a joy because my veins are stupid. The nurse looked at my left arm, and horrified at the amount of blue veins she saw under my skin, asked for my other arm as if I just keep random limbs around somewhere for safekeeping. My arms don’t extend fully – I think as a result of my slight cerebral palsy – and she kept telling me to put my right arm as straight as I possibly could. I did my best; she thought she felt a vein, she went for it… and then searched… with the needle… for more than 30 seconds. She eventually got it (I’ve gotten stuck before multiple times – I think my record is 9).

I say this not to brag, and not to complain. I told my doctor I thought this might be a circulation issue at this point. I am no longer exercising. I haven’t been fully active for a number of weeks now. I’m not looking to “get back out there” for fear that it’ll only cause more pain. That’s the goal here: to try and avoid more pain. My doctor referred me to a vascular place, which turned out to be a vascular surgeon, who said they wouldn’t see me unless I had some sort of other test done.

So I called my doctor again, who said that she didn’t want to waste my time if all the vascular people were going to do was send me back to physical therapy. I told her that physical therapy was fine, but I’m still swollen and am still experiencing pain if I’m on my feet for long enough. I reiterated that I believed it was a circulation issue of some sort. And honestly, if it is nothing, then bring on physical therapy… but honestly, I really don’t want to take any chances.  I want answers. My doctor said she’d think about it, and call me back.

Then someone else called and said that they’d schedule another appointment next week at a rehabilitation place (read: physical therapy).

Sigh (read: I need a drink).

Have a good night, everyone.


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