Leggo My Ego.

Since my last post, I’ve gone to hip hop class exactly one other time. But something I really appreciate about my instructor is that he’s no bullshit. I mean, he’s not going to look at me and tell me to get the fuck out (even though he probably should), but he’s very direct – especially where ego is involved.

“Your ego has no place in this room,” he said last time I was there. “I’m not pointing out people who are better than any of you. This is not about ego. It’s about fun. If you got ego, get it out the room NOW.”

It’s a good lesson, especially for me, who is at once an overachiever and one of the laziest people ever. Take this month, for example. As it stands, I am currently working out 1-2 times a day (and this past Monday, three times, and I have very little desire to do it again). I’m cursing Jillian Michaels every day while completing “30 Day Shred” (though I’m grateful it’s almost done). I’m trying to run 2-3 times a week, I do Pilates once a week, and the hip hop class is also supposed to be once a week, but so far I’m averaging once every other week. (My poor body just wants more sitting and junk food. Poor thing.) Then I have very little time for anything else, aside from work and sleeping (and there’s always too much work, and not enough sleep).

Running has been an especially humbling experience, as I’m far worse than I was when I stopped. The leg pain is still there, though I’m only going at most 2 miles so I’m sucking it up. But it’s an odd thing, because my ego comes out in full force. The other day, I averaged a 16:50 mile time and wanted to cry. Me, who used to boast about achieving 11 or 12: somethings every now and again. I was so crushed and disappointed.

I say to myself, I ran a fucking marathon. This is fucking NOTHING.

But it is, in fact, something. I’m like the Phoenix, rising from the ashes. Technically, I’m not supposed to be running, but I got tired of putting myself through a different kind of hell – that of inactivity and poor decision making.

Not that I’m a model spokesperson for health and fitness these days. The other day I was introduced to Ghirardelli sea salt caramel dark chocolate, and like, oh my god, I want a whole factory of them now (CHOCOLATE CRACK!!!). So, Ghirardelli, if you want to arrange that, just let me know. In the meantime I just need one… more…

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