I have no quote to accurately describe my coffee date with shawty (he was 5’5″, so hey! At least he wasn’t lying), so I’ll just go with “What?” – me.
We agreed to meet at 7, but of course I got there early (it’s all about the seats). I sent him a text telling him where I was, and waited. I actually saw him walk past me, but wasn’t sure that it was actually him, so I waited. And then saw him sit down at another table. And waited.
I don’t know, maybe that’s the big difference between men and women. Women have their phones on them at all times, it seems like. Men may have them on their person, but in their pockets… and they give no fucks. After about 10 minutes, he figures it out, comes over to me, and says, “I was looking for someone blonde.”
A word, here (okay, many words): I SUPPOSE it can be said that the picture I chose for the free dating site features yours truly with blonde hair, but I disagree a little (I’d go with more light brown). And, unlike most of the people on there, I only have one picture instead of 14. I’m kinda surprised no one has given me shit about it, but I felt like I wanted a picture I actually liked instead of trying to showcase many pictures I wasn’t too thrilled about (I don’t think I take good pictures). And guys still don’t know what to do with the one that they see. Most of them just message like, “Hey pretty! Beautiful eyes! Beautiful smile!” Yes. It was my sister’s wedding. I was smiling with my teeth AND with my eyes! I’m very talented.
So I said, “Oh. Yeah. Probably should have told you.” (Although, knowing me, my text would have been something like, “Hey, btw, I have different hair. See you soon!”) “My glasses are different too. Should have mentioned that one, as well.”
He said, “Oh. I didn’t even notice your glasses.”
We quickly moved on to other topics (we both take classes at the same music school, our jobs, Netflix documentaries). Maybe it was because I just didn’t care enough to be nervous (I’m a terrible person, okay!), but I felt 1000% better than the trainwreck a month ago.
And then he said, “By the way, you said you were sitting at the third table. This is the fourth.”
“Oh. Really?” I said, looking past him to the other tables. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”
Well, you wanted someone blonde, fucker.
The rest of the date went on without incident. He told me we should go to the restaurant show together. I told him to stay the fuck home and watch “Jiro Dreams of Sushi” (it’s a really good documentary, and if you haven’t seen it, you should).
At about 8:30, I was surprised that it was 8:30 and was like, “Wow. It’s 8:30. I have to be somewhere.” And by somewhere, I meant my house. I had been composing a message to someone all day in my head, and I had to get it out before it ate my brain.
All in all, it was nice, but I’d be surprised if we saw each other again. We didn’t even hug or shake hands goodbye. I stood up and he stood up and he said, “I’m gonna use the bathroom before I leave.”
Hey man. You do whatchu gotta.
Have a good day, everyone. Be kind to yourselves.