Black holes and revelations.

“Let’s conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive.” – Muse



The past week and a half has been a whirlwind.

First, let’s address the subject of sugar, and try not to judge too hard. I went on a downward spiral of stress eating… okay, okay, credit yourself, Amanda. It wasn’t exactly a downward spiral, it was more like a sine curve BUT STILL.

I baked the fuck out of some banana chocolate chip muffins (made only into muffins because I seem to have lost my bread loaf pan), and then I ate 3/4s of them within a day. And then, with Halloween being last weekend, Paul had mentioned candy for the kids and I was like, “Awww… you wanna pass out candy to trick or treaters?!” So I went and bought Kit Kats, and only realized once I got home that he meant he passed out candy to kids while he was at work. Which left me with all the Kit Kats. Which I did not pass out to trick or treaters, because why give kids more of a sugar high when you can just give it to yourself?

Then we went to a party dressed as April and Andy from Parks and Rec where I ate 17 cookies and had all the chips and drank a hard cider. And let me tell you, though I did not lose my shit, my stomach was NOT happy.

So, of course, the next day, I followed that up by sharing a gluten-free pizza with my bestest. I then had pizza four days later, and then can you guess what I ate tonight? Pizza, you ask? YES. MOTHERFUCKING PIZZA.

It’s delicious, but it stays in my stomach like a rock. My stomach becomes the pit of despair. I haven’t projectile vomited or anything, but my body definitely lets me know that it wants to go back to the rice-cake-eating, rabbit-nibbling-lettuce ways of the past couple weeks. On top of all of that, my breathing problems get exacerbated when the foodstuffs get out of control, so I definitely need to curb it more than I have been lately.

Which is not to say it’s been all bad. I still have my share of gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free blah blah blah. Friday night, I went to my girlfriend’s house and hung out with my high school BFFs and their significant others. Basically, my friend was TOTALLY sweet and made a meal with absolute consideration for my latest dietary endeavor. Which is not to say that if she didn’t, I wouldn’t have eaten, because… let’s be serious. I would chow down on normal food like nobody’s business. I drank a lot of rum, which I shouldn’t do because I’m on anxiety meds, but the anxiety meds aren’t really helping as much as they should. So maybe I’m gonna switch meds, and also go back to not drinking.


However, not all drinks are created equal. Saturday night I hung out with another bestest of mine, and though we had every intention of going to this brewery that just opened, we quickly changed our minds when it was a TWO HOUR WAIT. Um. No thanks. We meandered down the street, even though it was getting progressively colder, and eventually chose a restaurant. She got an Old Fashioned that was strong AS FUCK, and I got this drink which I really wanted to taste like apples and cinnamon and instead tasted like cough syrup. So. Sometimes, drinking disappoints. But it was a good weekend hanging out with my ladies which is always enjoyable and filled with laughter, alcohol-induced or not.

In other news, my cohabitation with the boy is going quite well. We were SUPER ADULTS yesterday and bought a couch and a coffee table. I worry because the coffee table won’t match the bookshelves, but… um… now we have a couch, so I guess I should shut the fuck up. To be honest, I don’t know that the couch matches the coffee table, because it’s still me, and I have no idea about anything most of the time, sooo…

Moving on. Let’s talk about running. Since meeting Paul, we have gone dancing (TBD if that continues), but one of the things he really wanted to do was a 5k. I haven’t gotten off of my ass for the past year, so I was like, “fuck it, whatever” and taught him about run/walk intervals and such. It was a little problematic, considering I run as fast as he can WALK buuut ummm I have short legs. If I was a better teacher, I would have prepared him for a 5k by at least running the distance of a 5k in training, but instead it was one mile here, two miles there, “do you feel like running today?” “fuck no.” “okay.” most of the time.

So, today, we ran the Hot Chocolate 5k, and it wasn’t terrible. Did a 13:50 pace, which is not my best showing, and he actually would have been faster, but every walk break he’d walk ahead and then kind of wait for me by looking back every so often to see if my little legs were running. Overall, we both felt good, which is surprising for me, because I got very little sleep last night. I had stress dreams like you would not believe (I couldn’t figure out what to wear, I got lost on my way to the race, the race started without me, etc etc).

And afterward, I got CHOCOLATE. SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. I devoured it like a 5-year-old. He did not get chocolate, BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT IT BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED THE EXPERIENCE OF A 5K, WHAT KIND OF MAN AM I DATING….

… and I almost took his chocolate too, but refrained. Because I am civilized.

… I really wanted his chocolate too.

I passed out almost immediately upon returning home, and then later this evening we tried to set up ChromeCast and failed, so we watched Stardust on his computer, which is this fantasy movie that I actually really love.

Speaking of fantasy, I’ve started playing Final Fantasy, which is this MMORPG that Paul is all about. At first he thought it was cute that I started playing, but now I’m like level 26 and still terrible with the camera and the maps (like, why can’t these people have a GPS feature?) and I just irritate him because he says to go left and I just run around in circles and get stuck places. It’s super cute. Promise.

Totes exhausted. Legs don’t want to function and I’m sure it’ll be worse tomorrow. I’m going to take the week off of running and start anew next week. Weird to have a week where nothing is necessarily planned. But Paul and I have already talked about the Shamrock Shuffle, as well as the Ravenswood 5k, so it’s possible I’m taking little-leg-steps toward being a full-fledged runner again.

(It’s possible, but there might not be enough chocolate in the world.)

Have a good night, friends. Be kind to yourselves.


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