“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.” – Sex and the City
Oh, Carrie Bradshaw. How wise you are. And how foolish I am to continue to not listen to you.
So, a couple weeks ago, Paul and I went ring shopping. We went to two stores, which was one store too many, because the first one was exhausting enough (and they were the nice people).
They dealt with me and my indecision like it was nothin’ (which I realize is how they get that caaaash money), but they also treated me like I was a human, and not a dollar sign.
We left there with three ring choices, and then went to the second store, where the salesperson shoved the most expensive, all-the-sparklies, most garish looking diamond on my hand (and – for good measure – a wedding band).
“Isn’t that gorgeous?”
No, lady. It is not.
Then, once they asked our budget, she went to the “sales rack” and said, “You can get this one. TODAY.”
And that’s when I crossed over to the other side of the store, lied to them that we’d be back, and got the fuck out of there.
My sister had suggested that I buy some wedding magazines to see if there were any other settings I liked. So after we got back from our shopping excursion, I went to Walgreens and picked out two.
“Oh!” the clerk said. “Are you getting married?”
“No,” I said.
“Oh,” she said, with that pitiful look in her eye. “Oh, I like buying bridal magazines too.”
By Monday, I had chosen the one I wanted (one of my original three choices. I was very much like another SATC character, Charlotte, screaming, “I CHOOSE MY CHOICE! I CHOOSE MY CHOICE!” I had looked through the magazines but they just made me more anxious. And most of the settings featured there weren’t all that great, but they WERE a gazillion dollars. Opposite of helpful).
Then I did what any normal girlfriend would do. I sent an email to my boyfriend, explaining which ring I wanted, what modifications I wanted, and then this very important part:
“I do not want to be informed on any more of this process. Buy when you want, propose when you want, let this be a surprise where no one is involved except for you and me. The info card is on your dresser, I believe. I leave this all in your capable hands.”
But I was lying.
I didn’t really think I was lying, but then when Tuesday came and there was no “SURPRISE!” I was all sorts of fucked up. I mean, WHY GO RING SHOPPING AT ALL AM I RIGHT?
And then at some point, he said, “You know you’ve mentioned the ring every day this week, right?”
And I had not. In my head, I am not like one of those girls who lives to get engaged. I know those girls. I have very much disdain for those girls.
AND THEN IT WAS LIKE I WAS BEING ONE OF THOSE.
So, I immediately stopped, reminded myself that what we have is good, and great, and right now. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want to marry me. Everything would happen in time.
Until last night, when we were discussing budgeting and I mentioned how every time I saw the budgeting app on his computer screen he’d immediately change it to something else. … Which made me think he was hiding something from me. But that I didn’t want to see it anyway, because then I’d see that he’d purchased THE RING, and… you know, like I said, I didn’t want to know (until I knew).
And he said, “Well, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but to change the ring metal like you wanted, it’s going to take some time. And the guy was super apologetic, but it’s like, all jewelers take the first two weeks of July off.”
I looked at him incredulously. “No,” I said. “You’re lying.”
He said, “Really. I don’t know why it is.”
“EVERY JEWELER IN THE WORLD?”
“No, just the jewelers who make that ring.”
“Well… that’s stupid.”
“Hey, if you want the original ring, they have that in stock.”
“… No.” The original was gorgeous, but if I wanted a wedding band to go with it, I couldn’t see it with the original metal.
“Well this just… I mean, I know we’re going on vacation in two weeks, and I thought for sure that maybe it’d happen then, so then when I got back from vacation I could use it in case something got fucked up somehow, like, ‘GOOD NEWS! I GOT ENGAGED! Bad news! Someone drove a trailer truck into a whole bunch of cars.'”
And he said, “Hey, if it were up to me, we’d just be married right now. Like go down to the courthouse, and be like, ‘This is my person. Please make note of it, sir or madam.'”
“I COULD SO BE PUTTING THIS ON FACEBOOK RIGHT NOW!”
Except that I could not. Because there was no engagement to speak of. And that, also, we’re doing the whole ceremony thing (with a possible city hall deal for my mom, depending on her stability). We talk about these things backwards. RULES DON’T APPLY, obviously.
Then I said, “Are you lying?”
And he said, “I could understand why you’d think I’d be lying, but I promise you, I am not.”
“But, but maybe… this is … like… a trick?”
“BUT GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS, PAUL! GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS! IT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD AND NOW I CAN’T USE IT AND IT WAS REALLY CUTE AND NOW I CAN’T USE IT!”
And then we took turns laughing for the next hour.
… So, if anyone wants to use my “good news, bad news” formula, I give you permission.
I am going to practice being in the present, the here, the right now, today. Because otherwise my head gives me lines I can’t use.
Have a good day, friends. Be kind to yourselves.