I’ve taken a break from life, recently… or rather, my health has done it for me.
I spent three days last week calling off work, and by the fourth, I went to work, turned in my card, felt really bad and then went home and felt really bad there, too.
So, being jobless and in pain but still insured, I scheduled all the doctor’s appointments that I could this week.
Monday, I went to the urologist because for the past month, there’s been blood in my urine. It started as a UTI, but even when the bacteria was gone, the blood remained. Except, of course, for Monday, when the blood was like, “Nah, we’re good here, she’s crazy,” and the doctor was like, “You might want to go to your OB/GYN on this…” which is funny because the OB/GYN sent me to the urologist and pretty soon we’re just going in circles because of pee, and burning, and UTI-ish symptoms. Yay.
Then I went to a complimentary therapy session provided by my primary care, and talked to a woman about being anxious and depressed and having an unknown thing happening both in life and in health. It was thrilling. I recommend it. This is a joke.
On Tuesday, I went to a naturopath at my dad’s suggestion, but just like the naturopath I saw in Chicago at my dad’s suggestion, this person wasn’t a real doctor either. To her credit, she seemed knowledgeable and didn’t try to push supplements on me, so +1 for that. I’m not really against holistic treatments, but I am against people who are like, “I’m a doctor, take some table salt and call me in the morning.” I did, however, find a medical/holistic treatment facility that I will be checking out. So, my dad will be happy about that, and maybe I’ll find some different answers than the ones I’ve been getting.
Today, I had PT in the morning. I haven’t had PT in years and my legs are pretty fuckin’ weak. I couldn’t even stand up easily from a sitting position without the use of my hands. We went through my weaknesses and my balance issues, I got some exercises to do at home, and appointments set up for the next four weeks. I then got my teeth cleaned at the dentist, and followed THAT up with another therapy appointment (this one not complimentary, but rather, using the good friend Google). It seemed to be a good fit. That is not a joke.
What can I say? I still have some shit to work out. The hope is that even if this is just a weird body fluke, I definitely am not ashamed in admitting that I need some life direction at this point (I wanna be a writer! I don’t write! I can’t get a job that I want! I’m 32. Hello, failure! Why is this my life? What the hell am I doing? Why do I wake up at night and have the “Out of The Box” theme song in my head?), but… if it turns out to be something more that is as of yet undiagnosed, it wouldn’t hurt to have some coping mechanisms.
Which brings me to steroids. Two weeks ago, my primary care doctor recommended a course of steroids to help bring down the inflammation in my body, just for a week, like a medrol dose pack. Everywhere… burns. Just burns. It’s painful and distracting and shitty. I initially declined, because steroids make the rage, but… you know, two weeks later, I’ve quit my job, I’m still fucking burning, yadda yadda. I inquired about starting the steroids and was told she was not willing to prescribe them “at this point”, which made no sense to me because two weeks ago IT WAS HER IDEA. She recommended going back to the neurologist, who was a majorrrr dick, to ask him to prescribe the steroids because the Gabapentin I’m currently taking wasn’t enough to calm the nerve pain. I asked for an explanation as to why she had changed her mind, and got no response either by call or message, but did get a prescription notification.
Not for the medrol pack that I’d asked for, but for prednisone with the instructions to take 20mg twice a day. I don’t know if I pissed her off or what, but you don’t take that much unless you’re like serious in-the-shit with an autoimmune disorder. So, I’m treating it like a pack, cutting and quartering pills as necessary. If it works, autoimmune something. If it doesn’t, it’s something else.
So I started them today (30 mg) and while the burning has lessened, it’s not completely gone (because why would it?). I’ll continue for the week, even though those fuckers make me just a bit jittery. I couldn’t stop moving and had to pee a fuck ton and was even so restless at one point I actually CLEANED MY BATHROOM like it was Saturday morning in my childhood home (cleaning day, as me and my sibs know it). Which, you know, I’m sure the pre-hubs loved because I’ve been doing fuck-all for weeks now, but like, seriously? That’s how you get me to clean? Steroids?
Whatever. I’m done.
Have a good night, friends. Be kind to yourselves.