“Immerse your soul in love.” – Radiohead
Today was a bad pain day. I knew it was going to be when I tried to shave my legs in the shower this morning and I was so tired from just doing one poorly that I was like, “Fuck this; trying again next month.”
I spent a few hours doing what-could-pass-as-work things, but have spent most of it in bed, trying to ignore the fact that my body feels as though it’s been run over. My fiance has assured me that I am not covered in bruises, though he was nice enough to point out that I had a few zits.
This, folks, is true love.
Sure, autoimmune/pain disorders are the worst, but it’s probably harder than that to be in a relationship with someone who has one. It’s a pretty helpless feeling to play the role of cheerleader and positivity captain when your lady is just like, “EVERYTHING. HURTS.”
More often than not, I’m pretty fatigued and I’m still trying to figure out the right combination of meds. There are, of course, non-medical routes that can help (laying off sugar and caffeine (er… guilty), eating fresh foods, and exercising). I downloaded an app called Aaptiv which has different audio workouts you can do each day. I don’t have a gym membership, running in the summer makes me cry, and I really want to get back into Pilates (maybe when I am a millionaire).
If anything, all of this has shown me who’s there for me and who’s really, really fucking not. I am continually amazed at the kindness of strangers and just as appalled at the reception I’ve gotten from toxic people.
You live, you love, you get diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, your tribe has your back and your soon-to-be husband tells you you’re awesome and brings you a donut for #NationalDonutDay.
Could be a lot worse.
Have a good night, friends. Be kind to yourselves.