I’m in a new relationship.

 

My last couple of months, if you’ve been following, have been kind of a drag.

I quit my job in late February to deal with some health stuff, have been up and down in said health, and yet – knowing that a money tree has yet to be invented – I’ve been mindfully looking for my next opportunity.

Surprisingly, my opportunity has been at my fingertips all along. Or maybe I just have really nice fingertips (btw, I don’t, they’re totally gross, I painted my nails like three weeks ago and my therapist was like, “Oh, you’ve practiced self-care by getting a manicure!” and I was like, “LOL wut, do you have eyes, this polish is more on my hands than my nails, color is called Boredom and Self-Loathing by Amanda”).

What I’m saying is that I’m really trying to do freelancing in earnest, and have been entertaining thoughts of eventually starting my own business.

I signed up for the content mills (Upwork, People Per Hour, CloudPeeps) but I don’t really love them, mostly because all of my clips are from like 10 years ago, and I don’t really feel like they are the best of my best work. The things that I don’t know (but could learn) make me feel insecure because technology moves faster than you can blink. Oh, and also, there’s that whole self-esteem issue where I’m not great at selling myself.

Here’s what I know, inwardly: If you need something done, I can do it. I’m smart, capable, a fast learner, and I really, really love helping people achieve their goals via my problem-solving. Ask me that in person, though, and I fall the FUCK apart. It’s a wonder I remember my own name. I was once asked to describe myself and I answered that I was weird. (…Which, you know, true. But not job-appropriate.)

But sometimes you have to do the things that scare you. Which means that I, Amanda “say-it-with-me-now-INTROVERT” Rand, have been networking like crazy (granted, it’s mostly behind the comfort of my┬ácomputer screen, but still… this is what’s known as a “big step” in my world). I’ve even gotten a few clients (I write/edit/run social media for small businesses, my rates are pretty reasonable, need something? Let me know)!

(See? Doing so well.)

What I’ve also noticed is that trying to start your own business is a lot like dating when you’re desperate. You’re swiping right on every opportunity that comes along and putting up with some bullshit because you’re not sure when the next one might be, even though you notice the red flags. Today I had someone message me about my services on Facebook, but didn’t respond once I accepted the message. Facebook allows you to see when someone has read your message, so I thought that was a little rude (but it might be unfair of me to judge).

But, as with dating, you also get wiser over time. You learn to value what you’re worth. So even though I’d like to be what I term “excitable bunny-ing” all over the place, sometimes it’s worth it to take a step back and let things happen how they’re going to. I sent my rates and gave a couple of suggestions and let it go – if people don’t value your time, there are always other opportunities.

… At least, I hope there are other opportunities. I’ve even turned my attention to the mystical, wearing a chakra bracelet that I got as a gift. I just need to research essential oils and diffuse and other words that maybe make sense to you, because they sure as shit don’t make sense to me.

So what I’m saying is: I’m wearing the bracelet and networking and really needing some money and maybe a confidence boost or two, universe. DO YOUR THING.

Have a good day, friends. Be kind to yourselves.

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